Beginner's Guide to BDSM: Basics, Roles, Safety Rules and More

Not all people can admit to themselves that they want to try BDSM practices in their bed. And this is not surprising, because most people mistakenly believe that they inevitably lead to physical and psychological violence, and only perverts can engage in such practices. But this is far from true. If you are just getting acquainted with this subculture, and thinking about whether to try BDSM-sex or bondage, then you are certainly not alone in your desires. Many people, even if they are hiding it, want to dive into this game, so in this article you will read all about what a beginner needs to know about BDSM, where to start, safety rules and behavior.

What is BDSM: Definition

BDSM is not just a type of sex, but a full-fledged sexual subculture, which is based on dominance and submission. The acronym BDSM itself stands for Bondage&Discipline&Domination&Submission&Sadism&Masochism and refers to several practices:

BD - Bondage Discipline - this includes role-playing, bondage, discipline with elements of submission.

DS - Domination Submission - partners agree in advance who will be the master and who will be the slave. In BDSM practice there must necessarily be dominance of one of the partners, which completely excludes the possibility of equality.

SM - Sadism Masochism (sadihm and masochism) - here the game includes practices that bring pleasure through physical pain.

You don't have to combine all of these items to practice BDSM, they can be combined or exist separately from each other in your sex.

Interesting!!! About 30% of people use BDSM practices during sex without even realizing it.

Basic rules and terms of BDSM

Before diving into BDSM practices, it's important to have an understanding of the basics and terms, and to have a BDSM vocabulary to be fully equipped.

Dominant (dom,top,top,top, master) - the lead partner who dominates the submissive.

Domina (dominatrix, mistress) - a female dominant.

Submissive (sab, bottom) - a partner who fully submits to the dominant and obeys his orders.

Restraints, taboos - predetermined actions that will not be used between partners, i.e., forbidden.

BRD: Safe, Sane, Consensual (SSC: Safe, Sane, Consensual) is the basic rule of all participants in BDSM actions. It is a framework that reiterates that before any action begins, it is imperative that everything is safe, within reason for both partners, and that all actions are done voluntarily.

Fetish - a partner's attachment to certain objects or actions that are sexually arousing. For example, high heels, nipple nibbling, leather clothing, etc.

Altocalciphilia - sexual attraction to high-heeled shoes. Altcalcophiles get pleasure from the fact that the partner wears a certain type of shoes and/or performs sexual acts (pressing on the partner's body with heels, making them lick them, etc.).

Flagellation - flogging the partner with special tools (whip, whip, stack, whip, flogger, etc.)

Stop word - a pre-determined word, at the utterance of which the partner must stop and stop any actions with the submissive.

Standard stop words in BDSM can also be used:

• Red - means stop and any actions should be stopped. It should be used when you are uncomfortable, the situation becomes too difficult, or you no longer agree to these actions.
• Yellow - means your partner needs to slow down and tone down the intensity. It can also mean that you have reached your limit or are on the verge of physical discomfort.
• Green - Use the word "green" if you like what your partner is doing, feel completely comfortable and want them to continue.

To make sure everyone is enjoying themselves and taking the necessary precautions, it's important to discuss boundaries and consent with your partner(s) at all times.

How to engage in BDSM: The basics, techniques and methods

In order for BDSM sex to bring only positive emotions and pleasure, you need to think everything through and negotiate everything with your partner beforehand. In addition, if you do not know where to start in BDSM, we recommend you to consider the following directions:

Role-playing - Role-playing will make it easier for partners to immerse themselves in the world of submission and dominance. This will avoid emotional trauma, and some words or actions will be much easier to decide on.

Binding -- The partner who has been bound finds himself in the full power of the lover, which can be quite an exciting experience for the couple. At the initial stage of BDSM practices, it is advisable to buy a special set - it has Velcro, thanks to which there is no need to spend time studying the knots, and also the partner can be easily released.

Respectful treatment: Words will allow partners to establish the right relationship between the dominant and the subordinate. It will be enough to add words like "sir", "master", "mistress", "sir" to their speech.

Establishing permissions and prohibitions - To emphasize the position of the submissive, you can ask permission from your partner before doing something during sexual intercourse. You can also impose some prohibitions that only the lover can lift.

Punishment- Once the partners have agreed on a set of rules regarding the behavior of both, some punishments can be introduced. For example, the partner forbade the girl to touch herself without his permission. If the ban was violated, he has the right to punish the beloved at his own discretion.

BDSM in ordinary life: Once the partners feel confident enough in the bedroom, the dynamics of the relationship between dominant and submissive can continue to be maintained in ordinary life. The main thing is to remember to take breaks, as new experiences can cause serious psychological trauma.

Flogging . The practice of flogging should start from the buttocks area. The fact that this part of the body is difficult enough to seriously damage, in addition, many men are seduced and excited by female buttocks. At the initial stage of flogging should be carried out only with the palms of the hands, as well as to clarify the beloved, what force will be optimal.

Hair pulling : Many people know that the head is a rather sensitive area. For this reason, BDSM practices can be started using this sensitivity.

Experiments with the use of hot wax and ice. For this purpose, massage candles should be used, as well as special toys from the sex shop. This will expand the list of sensations that will be available to the partners.

Bites . This method can be called the best way to get a lot of spicy sensations without much effort. To find out the pain threshold of the partner, you should start biting him in different places: on the nipples, ribs, hands.

Before you start BDSM practices, both partners should carefully study the theory relating to this issue. Otherwise, you can cause your loved one not only physical, but also psychological harm.

Bondage and BDSM sex toys for beginners

After you agree with your partner/partner that you want to try BDSM practices, it will be necessary to buy BDSM toys for beginners. For the first time you will be enough handcuffs, gag or blindfold. If you want to diversify your BDSM inventory more, we also recommend that you consider the following products:

• Carousel Bondage
• Whips and Whips
• Breast Chains and Clamps
• Collars and Leashes
• Fidelity Belts
• Genital clamps

Basic BDSM tips for beginners

Do not try to hurt as much as possible. Your main task during BDSM practices is to give pleasure to your partner to want to ask for more and more, gradually increasing the degree of pain, but in any case do not set yourself as a goal to do as much pain as possible.

Start with spanking . It's best to start with something less innocuous. This could be biting or spanking. Since playing with the buttocks is the least traumatic (if we are talking about spanking and flogging), it is better to start with this part of the body, gradually increasing the intensity. For this purpose you can buy a paddle, stack, whip or do with just the palm of your hand.

Donot hesitate to talk and discuss. If you decide to engage in BDSM practices, then be ready to fully trust your partner and talk openly about your desires and limitations. Believe me, this is not the best place for guesswork, so state your desires and taboos accurately without being shy or leaving any ambiguities.

It isalways better to under-press than to over-press Explore your boundaries and those of your partner and try to perform all actions so as not to cross the line. Remember: it's better to under-press and have your partner ask for more than to over-press and instill an inner fear in your partner that can turn him or her away from BDSM sex forever.

Take your time. If you are just beginning to get acquainted with BDSM practices, do not rush to immediately resort to complex techniques and methods. It can be not only unpleasant, but also dangerous. Therefore, do not rush and have fun.